Jennifer Ann (jro2284) wrote,
Jennifer Ann
jro2284

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Growing up...

Well it's been forever since I've written in here.
And a lot has changed in my life since my old "puppy love" days obsessing for that jerk named Torrey...

I was truly caught up in something I "thought" was amazing...and when it all ended, I kinda still thought I lost something spectacular.
But when I finally stood back...cried all my tears I could cry...I realized that Torrey and I just weren't a good match.
Yeah, we had fun with one another, were attracted to one another, and we both had conservative minds...but that doesn't necessarily mean we were meant for eachother.
Torrey and I had more underlying issues than I had ever thought we had...
And they all came to surface when things came crashing down in May 2007, when he broke up with me because I am Catholic.
As much as he might want to say and/or think that wasn't the reason...it was.
He was only kidding himself when he claimed that my religion would have been a problem in our future engagements...
For someone who was becoming a newly devoted Christian, how could he say that it wouldn't work because I am Catholic. Christian, Catholic..yeah their are some differences...but no matter what religion you are...don't we all worship and glorify the same thing at the end of the day?

Well, it doesn't matter now...and I can't even say that I care anymore..because I don't...
Torrey has issues, and it wasn't just what happeend to us at the end. There was more to it...
Now when I look back at all of our "stupid" fights when we saw one another...not only was I just baffled that we managed to fight everytime we saw one another, despite only seeing one another for four-seven days every 3-4 months, but it was what they were about.
He, in a way, wanted to control me.
Always had to know everything...everything in my past..and every little detail of my present and future.
I had nothing to myself, and if I did...I had the guilty feeling like I should have told him.

But, it's part of growing up...with each relationship you learn more about yourself, and you begin to visualize what the true "ideal" man in your future should be like...

And that ideal man, ladies and gentleman, is my current boyfriend: Justin A. Rand. Things weren't so conventional when Justin and I met...nothing was planned..and if you would have told me when I met him and even when we started dating..that he would be my bf and he would be "the one" I wouldn't have believed it. But he is :)
Meeting him, falling in love with him has truly made me realize how a woman should and CAN be treated. He is SO good to me...and it's an understatement.
He takes care of me in so many ways, and he loves me for me.
He never wanted to know details about my past relationships..he wasn't going to judge me for mistakes I have made in my past...all he cared about was the present..and us :)
It was so refreshing..and it just makes me beam!
I get mad at myself, thinking back when I was with Torrey and how I told myself how "ideal" he was..and how he was the one...boy was I wrong..I was in a haze...or on cloud 9...because he doesn't even compare to Torrey.
Justin is an all around awesome guy.
He's well rounded..comes from a great family..with morals and conservative values...he's even going to RCIA classes to become a Catholic.
It's truly awesome.
He loves me so much, and I love him completely.
When I try to picture life without him, I just cant...it would never happen..and I mean it this time..before when I was with Torrey..even though I said I couldn't picture life without torrey..I could..there was always something in the back of my mind that said "what if"..but with Justin I have never felt that way...it just could never happen...we could never just be friends..or strangers for that matter...
it's something so undescribable until you have something like this.
Words cant describe it..and I'm not going to try to anymore.
I'm just going to sit back, and smile..knowing in my heart that I'm truly happy and I deserve this. :)
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