Today I had lunch with my friend Danielle, we always try to meet eachother for lunch atleast once a week after our first classes. Shes a real good friend, and probably one of the only ones whos been pretty true to me through the years. It really stinks after highschool to realize the friends who really matter and then the ones who really dont care about you as you do them. But Ive just come to realize that I get along way better with guys, and girls are just too much to handle. I know that I can be a lil drama queen here and there, I mean we're women, we all do, its called PMS. But the thing I think that differs me from a lot of my friends is how sesitive and compassionate I really am. I dont mean to sound conceeded but I feel like I do more for my friends then they do me, I feel like I'm there for a lot of my friends when they arent always there for me, I think ultimately I end up looking like a sappy little retard, who lets everyone walk all over me, when really I try to put myself out there as someone very strong. I like to think that I go by the saying, "burn me once, shame on you, burn me again, shame on me." But lately I've come to realize that that old adage doesnt quite suit me as well as I thought. Although a part of me I guess likes to forgive and forget, its like Im torn between the two. My best friend Kara hasnt really made time for me since she got her boyfriend, and Ive just been really annoyed and exhausted with telling her how I feel all the time, and giving her plenty of chances to turn her words into actions. I mean she says that she feels like she is in her "own world" with her bf, and that she does care about me, yet she never makes an initiative to prove that to me. She cant even pick up a phone to say hey! It sucks to think that my own best friend probably needs to use post its to remember to think about me, or pick up a phone to hang out! I know that she is really content with her boyfriend, especially because she hasnt had the privelege of having someone there like that (except me) for awhile. I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong, but I think that there should be a happy medium. Ive never had a problem with spending equal amount of time with my friends and my boyfriends. I dont understand why it is so hard for her. I mean they've been together for 6 months, enough if enough already..sheesh! I dunno...after talking to my friend Danielle at lunch about it, she ultimately told me that what I was going to have to do now happened to be somethin I've been dreading for a while. She told me I should let Kara know that this is it, if she cares about me like she says then she needs to prove it, no more games. You can't go on saying you care for someone, and then completely ignore them. She told me that this would be the last chance, and my last hope for Kara to realize what shes doing, and if she really wants our friendship to continue then she needs to make a decision. I hate feeling like I'm giving an ultimatum to my own best friend, but yet I am not going to wait around till they either break up, or 6 more months down the road till she realizes I was her only true friend (let alone pretty much her only girlfriend). All I can do is hope for the best.
Enough of that drama....now I have more school drama...I finished applying to FSU today, I still have to have my highschool transcripts sent so they can see that I took my foreign language, but other then that I'm pretty much done. Thats alot of weight lifted off my shoulders. Although I forgot, one more thing I have to worry about. I have to get either atleast a B in this math class I'm taking and a C in the next one I will take, and vice versa if i want to be excempt from the CLAST. I sooo hope I dont have to take that friggen exam! I have THE WORST test anxiety! I really hope I get a B in my class now,,and a C in the next one..Im gonna have to work hard..butI can do it! haha
Oh well..this was a pretty boring journal writing..but there ya go...my current boring life..itll get better once this semster is over..I kno it..I can feel it ;).....
errrrrrr...9 more days till my boyfriend leaves for Venezuela till Jan 3rd! =(...hes gonna miss my b-day, xmas, and new years..Im soo depressed....I hope that things will be better with me and Kara so I can atleast hang with my best friend..if not I have other friends..but It would be nice to have some old good times again with her....
Well thats about it..I'm off to Outback at 4:30..what fun!..I leave you with a couple Deep thoughts by Jack Handy! Chow! ;)
~"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."
"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see."~